I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
