That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
