i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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