i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
