I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize