Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
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She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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