if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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