So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
