guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
