Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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