No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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