No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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