When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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