He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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