so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
