It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
