there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
