There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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