SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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