Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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