At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
