Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
