that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
