We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
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This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
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He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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