Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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