I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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