I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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