Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
