You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
