if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
