Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
