remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
