Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
