We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize