we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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