We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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