I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
