well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
