I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and she was petting her beer can
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
your like the ambassador to my penis.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
