Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
