If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
