The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
