Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
