i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
