ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
