Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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