never play flip cup with pint glasses
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
