It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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