i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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