just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
