She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
