I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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