So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
