Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
