do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
