While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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