Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
